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Why Don't Zombies Have Beards?

  • 2 min read

The Zombie Apocalypse has started, but why don’t zombies have beards?


There are two types of people in this world, those who like zombies, and those who lie about it. After a recent Walking Dead binge session, I found myself wondering...why don’t we see any zombies rocking facial hair?

First, the obvious answer: Once the zombie apocalypse starts, it will be the bearded men who lead the fight against the undead. We all know men with beards are stronger, more resourceful, and, frankly, better looking than our non-bearded counterparts. So it makes sense that the first wave of brain eaters will be clean shaven civilians.

Fighting Zombies

Now let’s talk science. There is a popular rumor in history that after you die, your hair and fingernails continue to grow. If that were true, one would expect to see many bearded zombies, right?

Zombie by Daniel Hollister

Bob from accounting (and his babyface) have been roaming the streets for several months now searching for his next human victim. Does Bob have a beard since he’s parted with the living world and his face scraper? Nope Bob does not have a beard now. Once you die, your hair and fingernails do not continue to grow. This misconception arose from the fact that your skin tightens and shrinks after death due to dehydration, giving theappearance that your hair and nails continue to grow.

But  the simplest answer to why a zombie can’t grow a beard is blood. In order to grow hair, you need functioning hair follicles. Hair follicles rely on blood flow (amongst other things) to sustain the growing process. No beating heart, no flowing blood. No blood flow, no beard. No beard, no need for manly beard care products.

And now you know.



stubble & 'stache was founded by a former Marine Corps Special Operations Combat Veteran in memory of his fallen comrade. We donate a percentage of profits to organizations supporting those men and women suffering from the mental wounds sustained in combat.

Zombie photo by Daniel Hollister
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